SLAYING THE DRAGON 

I   Removing Blockers 

             “...for assuredly, I say to you, if you have the faith of a mustard seed, you              would say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move;              and nothing will be impossible for you.”  (Matthew 17:20) 

             A.   There are a number of reasons a person suffering from emotional pain                    do not choose to take the necessary steps learn to process their pain. 

                          1.  Ruminating  (dwelling on the pain event) 

                                       a.  Ruminating can actual prevent us from learning how to process                                             emotional pain. 

                                       b.   Unless we force ourselves to put the pain event in the past,                                              and quit dwelling on it, we will never master the skills for deal-                                              ing with emotional pain. 

                                       c.   This is accomplished by focusing on positive things.  The                                              apostle Paul tells us, 

                                             “Finally brethren, what ever things are true, whatever                                                things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever                                                things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever                                                things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if                                                there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these                                                    things.”  (Philippians. 4:8) 

                          2.  Denial 

                                       a.  Denial, which is a coping mechanization, works in the subcon-                                            scious. 

                                       b.  The opposite of denial is to admit that we have been hurt. 

                                             “The ear that hears the rebukes of life will abide among                                                the wise.  (Prov. 15:31)                                      

                                       c.   Enabling destructive conduct on the part of an addicted person                                              by making excuses for their destructive behavior will only pro-                                             long the addiction.  Solomon tells us, 

                                             “He who justifies the wicked, and he who condemns the                                                just, both of them alike are an abomination to the                                                     Lord.”  (Prov. 17:15) 

                                  3.   Lack of Time 

                                       a.   Learning to process pain takes time and effort on the part of                                              the student.  

                                       b.   When confronted with the opportunity, all too many respond, “I                                               just don’t have the time to put into it right now.” 

                                       c.   Paul warns against this attitude when he says, 

                                             “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but                                                as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.”                                               (Eph 5:15-16) 

                          4.   Fear of Failure 

                                       a.   This is a blocker used by people who have experienced a                                              number of failures in their lives. 

                                       b.   Adults who have experienced numerous failures in their lives                                               will develop an intense fear of failure.

                                       c.   Fear not only prevents a person from taking the steps necess-                                             ary to succeed, it robs us of the rewards that God wants us to                                              enjoy. 

                                       d.   Remember what happened to Peter when he was walking to-                                             ward Jesus on the water? 

                                             “...And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he                                                walked on the water to go to Jesus, but when he saw 
                                               that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid and began
                                               to sink.”  (Matthew 14:29-30) 

                          5.   Fear of Giving up a needed behavior 

                                       a.    Another blocker involving fear is the fear of giving up a behav-                                              ior that is valuable in distracting the victim from their emotional                                               pain.  

                                       b.    A person who has become dependent on an escape behavior                                               cannot visualize life without it. 

                                       c.   It takes a major leap of faith for the addicted to become con-                                             vinced thy really can live without the behavior.  

         d.   Paul, however, assures us that, 

“No temptation has overtaken you except as is common to man; but God is faithful, Who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”  (I Corinthians 10:13) 

                          6.   Fear of Exposure 

                                       a.   People who have kept their addictions and the underlying                                              problems well hidden will have an intense fear of having them                                              exposed. 

                                       b.   This blocker is prevalent among people who are well respect-                                              ed, economically successful or deeply religious. 

                                       c.   Jesus recognized this fear and alluded to it when He said, 

                                              “ For everyone practicing evil hates the light and 
                                              does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be 
                                              exposed.”  (John 3:20) 

II    Avoiding Unnecessary Emotional Pain 

             (It is always better to avoid pain than to deal with the consequences) 

             A.   Preprocessing 

                          1.   Preprocessing is anticipating a potentially painful situation and pre-                                paring for it in advance. 

                                       a.   Learn to recognize a situation which could be particularly 
                                             painful. 

                                       b.   Determine the eventualities. 

                                       c.   Plan a response for each eventuality. 

                          2.   Preprocessing allows us to determine our course of action with a                                 clear mind rather than addressing it in the heat of a situation. 

                                       a.   Hindsight is always 20/20. 

                                       b.   If we can see a better way after the fact, we can see a better                                              way ahead of the fact.   

                          3.    Finding a quiet time to determine our options and planning the best                                  response for each eventuality will eliminate much emotional pain. 

                          4.    A good example would be Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. 

                                       a.   He found a quiet place. 

                                       b.   He prepared his mind with prayer. 

                                       c.   He weighed the probabilities and prepared his mind for the                                              coming events. 

                                              “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me;                                                 nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”  (Matt. 26:39)  

             B.  Set-ups for Failure 

                          1.   A set-up for failure is putting ourselves in a situation that will more                                 than likely end in failure. 

                                       a.   Any partnering with another person in an endeavor where 
                                             success depends on a change in the other person is more
                                             than likely a set-up for failure. 

                                       b.   A good example would be a young girl marrying a boy who                                               promised to change. 

                                       c.   A persons history is always a better predictor of future conduct                                               than any promises made. 

                                       d.   Jesus warned us to always count the cost. 

                                              “For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit                                                down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to                                                finish it - lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not                                                able to finish, all who see it began to mock him, saying,                                                This man began to build and was not able finish." 
                                               (Luke 14:28-30) 

             C.   Understanding H.A.L.T. 

                          1.  The halt formula requires that we not respond to a painful situation                                when we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. 

                          2.   Any time H.A.L.T. is violated the results are going to be counter-
                                productive. 

D. Recognizing the Different Levels of Emotional Pain  

                          “...rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in                           prayer.”  (Romans 12:12)            

                          “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 
                          knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” 
                          (James 1:3)                         

                          1.  Low Level Pain.  (Getting honked at unfairly) 

                                       a.  Minor annoyances. 

                                       b.  Should be processed on the spot. 

                          2.  Mid Level Pain.  (Being Intentionally embarrassed in public) 

                                       a.  Major Irritations 

                                       b.  Observe H.A.L.T. 

                                       c.  Set a definite time for processing. 

                          3.   High Level Pain  (Death, Divorce) 

                                       a.  Catastrophic Events 

                                       b.  Give nature time to do it’s work. 

                                       c.   Focus the mind on positive aspects of your life. 

                                       d.   Spend time helping others. 

                                       e.   When the time is right process the pain with two attitudes and                                              three skills. 

             F.   Pitfalls to Avoid in Processing Emotional Pain 

                          1.   Not creating the proper conditions for the level of pain. 

                          2.   Emotional Pain cannot be removed unless all steps are taken in

                                order.                         

                          3.   Attempting to process high level pain with low level skills.