WHAT EMOTIONAL PAIN CAN DO TO GOOD PEOPLE 

I.   Introduction 

             Emotional Pain is a part of life. 

             “For affliction does not come from the dust, nor does trouble spring
             from the ground; yet man is born to trouble, as the sparks fly upward.  
             (Job 5:6-7) 

             A.   Emotional pain results from “Any statement, action or situation                              that can be perceived as negative, hurtful or unjust, and which                           tends to raise the level of anger.” 

             B.   The closer we are to a person, the more capable that person is of inflicting                     emotional pain and visa versa. 

             C.   How emotional pain is inflicted . 

                          1.   Misplaced priorities 

                          2.   Careless words and actions 

                          3.   Intentional effort                                      

             D.   Emotional pain will always impact and damage one or more of the five
                    areas of human endeavor. 

II.   Areas of Human Endeavor       

             Once an individual enters an area of human endeavor he or she we will              never depart from it. 

             Throughout life, everything a person does will fall into one of the five 
             areas of human endeavor. 

             A.   Survival: 

                          1.  We enter the area of survival as soon as we draw our first breath of                                air. 

                          2.   Survival is the most basic of all areas of human endeavor. 

                          3.   Self-preservation is a driving force in every person.  There are few                                 things we won’t do to preserve our lives.  

             B.  Acceptance: 

                  Too many of us place our priority on the acquisition of material things                   in the false belief that this will gain us acceptance which in turn will                   bring contentment. 

                          1.   This area is entered as soon as we are placed in the arms of our                                 mother, and hopefully our father. 

                          2.   Over time the acceptance state expands to include other people such                                 as siblings, relatives, friends and work associates. 

                          3.   The highest and most noble goal of this state is to find acceptance in                                  the “Eyes of God.”  A person seeking to please God will put people                                  ahead of things and as a result people will respond to him. God’s                                  way teaches that our priority should be people, not things. 

                          4.   The truth is that those of us who prioritize things in life 
                                are never totally satisfied because there is always one 
                                more thing we think we need. 

             C.   Pleasure: 

                   “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the                      heart the spirit is broken.  (Proverbs 15:13) 

                          1.   When the mother introduces the newborn to a dry bottom, soothing                                 sounds, and the comfort of a warm bed he enters the pleasure state. 

                          2.   The greatest sources of pleasure are usually free. 

                                       a.  God offers us a universe of pleasure. 

                                            “The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament                                               shows His handiwork.”  (Psalms 19:1)            

                                       b.   People who live a life of service to others soon learn that there                                               is no greater source of pleasure to be found than the grateful                                               appreciation of another. 

                                             “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, 
                                             especially to those who are of the household of 
                                             faith”  (Galatians 6:10)            

             D.  Power: 

                  “God has not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a                     sound mind.”  (II Timothy 1:7) 

                          1.   It doesn’t take a newborn long to learn that it has a great deal of
                                power.  Crying will bring immediate attention. 

                          2.   Like other states, this state grows and expands over time. 

                          3.   Power, as a human endeavor, is not to have power over others 
                                but over our own lives. 

             E.   Freedom: 

                   “And you shall know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” 
                    (John 8:32) 

                          1.   The last state to be entered after birth is freedom. 

                          2.   Freedom is best described as the ability to do and to achieve. 

                                       a.   Going from crawling to walking. 

                                       b.   Taking the training wheels off the bike. 

                                       c.   Having a room, a phone, education, transportation and a job. 

                                       d.   True freedom comes when we are freed from the bondage of                                              sin by putting on Christ in baptism. 

III   Major Sources of Emotional Pain 

             A.  The Early Developmental Years: 

                  “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them 
                  up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”  (Ephesians 6:4) 

             Most children begin experiencing emotional pain by the age of four and              by the age of eight will have adopted an escape behavior. 

                          1.   Abandonment

                          2.   Neglect

                          3.   Abuse (physical, verbal and sexual)         

 

             B.   The School Years: 

                   “Flee also youthful lust; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace                            with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.  (II Timothy 2:22)                                          

                          1.  Other children

                          2.   Teachers

                          3.   Broken relationships

                          4.   Failures 

             C.   The Married Years: 

                    “Wives, submit to your own husband as to the Lord.  For the husband                       is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church;  and He is                       the Savior of the body.  Therefore, just as the church is  subject to                       Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything.  Hus-                      bands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave                       Himself for her.  (Ephesians 5:22-25) 

                          1.   Spouses

                          2.   Parents

                          3.   Children

                          4.   Finances 

             D.   The Golden Years: 

                    “The silver-haired head is a crown of glory, if it is found in the way of                       righteousness.”  (Proverbs 16:31) 

                          1.   Security

                          2.   Time

                          3.   Savings

                          2.   Adult Children 

             E.   The Final Years: 

                   “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of                      man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”                       (I Corinthians 2:9)  

                          1.   Long term illness

                          2.   Death

IV.  Escape Behaviors            

             A.   When the mind reaches the point of overload from emotional pain, it will 
                    demand a means of escape from the pain. 

             B.   An escape behavior will be chosen from what is the most readily available.                                                 

It is important to notice that God has warned us of the destructive nature of every one of these behaviors. 

                                       THE TOP TEN ESCAPE BAHAVIORS/ADDICTIONS 

                          1.   Anger 

                               “A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger 
                                 allays contention.”  (Proverbs 15:18) 

                          2.   Talking or Verbalization (including gossip) 

                                “He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; therefore,                                   do not associate with one who flatters with his lips.”  
                                  (Proverbs 20:19) 

                          3.   Sex 

                               “Flee sexual immorality.  Every sin that a man does is outside the                                 body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against 
                                his own body.”  (I Corinthians 6:18) 

                          4.   Food 

                                “....the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty.                                             (Proverbs 23:21) 

                          5.   Tobacco 

                                “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cher-                                  ishes it...”  (Ephesians 5:29) 

                          6.   Alcohol 

                               “Do not look on the wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the                                  cup, when it swirls around smoothly; at the last it bites like a                                  serpent, and stings like a viper.  Your eyes will see strange                                  things, and your heart will utter perverse things.”                                   (Proverbs 23:31-33) 

                          7.   Drugs  (illegal and prescription) 

                               (While neither tobacco nor drugs are specifically mentioned in                                 scripture, the same admonition about destroying our body                                   would apply here also).            

                          8.   Shoplifting 

                               “You shall not steal, nor deal falsely, nor lie to one another.”                                  (Leviticus 19:11)            

                          9.   Gambling 

                               “....if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for                                 those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse                                 than an unbeliever.”  (I Timothy 5:8)            

                          10. Work (including church work) 

                               “Do not overwork to be rich; because of your own understand-                                 ing, cease.  Will you set your eyes on that which is not?  For                                  riches certainly make themselves wings; they fly away like an                                  eagle toward heaven.”  (Proverbs 23:4-5) 

             C.   Once escape behaviors are chosen one or more will be used every time                     emotional pain is encountered. 

             D.   An individual may adopt any number of escape behaviors. 

             E.   Addiction swapping is very common among addicted persons. 

             F.   We too often have the tendency to view the behavior and condemn 
                   the person, rather than looking at, and possibly correcting, the reason                    behind the behavior. 

Yes, we all have areas of human endeavor and we all try to satisfy them to the best of our ability.  It is sad to see good people doing all the wrong things in trying to find contentment.  The things that will truly satisfy our needs are all around us.  What is more, most of them are freely available for us to reach out and take hold of. 

             “I will lift up my eyes to the hills - from whence comes my help?  My help              comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  He will not allow your              foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber.  Behold, He who              keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord is your keeper; the              Lord is your shade at your right hand.  The sun shall not strike you by day,              nor the moon by night.  The Lord shall preserve your soul.  The Lord shall              preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even              forevermore.”  (Psalms 121)