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EXERCISE SIX
The Emotional Pain Cycle
A Study in Contentment
By Ron Wilkins
Everyone has experiences to draw from that will allow them to know what a life of occasional contentment is like. Many have first hand experience of a life of total misery. But without instruction it’s not likely that anyone will come to experience a life of “Every State Contentment.” However, for those who do it’s a rocket ride to a life of rewarding service. “The harvest is plentiful, and the laborers are few, “ but for the few who learn to labor contently, it’s life and life more abundantly.
Paul spoke of the “peace of God” that passes all understanding. He also spoke to the church at Philippi and told them to “be careful for nothing.” This meaning they should not be filled with cares, concerns or troubles that would take away their peace. He instructed them to think on things worthy of praise. Virtuous things such as truth, honesty, justice and purity. He taught about lovely things and things that were of good report. His words are totally consistent with the concept of “Every State Contentment.” He continues to speak of contentment when he tells them to do the things they had learned, received and hear from him. He instructed them to pray and to make supplications to God, and to be thankful. (Philippians 4)
How great it is to be able to be content in all five areas of human endeavor. Being “troubled on every side, yet not distressed” only appears to be a contradictory term. It’s not contradictory at all for those who have learned to consistently process emotional pain in all five areas of human endeavor. They are no longer pain carriers, they are pain processors. Those who are free of the burden of emotional pain are free to concentrate on the work God wants them to do.
They will continue to experience troubling events in every area of human endeavor. Events that are troubling enough to bring on emotional pain. But they will not be distressed over it because they will get rid of their pain by using the master skills to properly process it. That is a fine thing to experience, but not as fine as being free to concentrate on God’s great work.
There is a big difference between looking at a beautiful sunset through eyes that are free of emotional pain and looking at it through eyes that are filled with pain. There is a big difference in watching children grow through painless eyes and eyes that are pain filled. Even things that are of good report are devalued through emotional pain.
God created man to have life and to have it more abundantly. He placed man in a beautiful garden that was lovely, not a place of burden. The writings of the apostles overflow with expressions of contentment. They closed their letters with words like joy, peace, love, mercy and grace. If it was not God’s desire for His people to be content their letters would have closed with words of pain. They spoke of the “way of peace” and peace is the language of contentment.
The “way of peace” provides the freedom to encourage others and to look for ways to help them in all they do. This is consistent with the admonition to “look every man not on his own things, but ever man also on the things of others.” (Philippians 2:4) It is the complete opposite of the way of pain. In a desperate attempt to become content many become self-centered, and do it at the expense of everyone else.
A life of emotional pain or even occasional contentment results in escape behaviors and false attempts to raise the desperately low self-esteem of the pain carrier. Escape behaviors lead to self-destructive addictions and false attempts to raise self-esteem that become more and more annoying to everyone that comes in contact with the pain carrier.
If given a choice anyone would choose contentment over pain. But sadly, most people, in and out of the church, are never given the opportunity to make a choice. Being raised from youth in the belief that “Every State Contentment” is not possible removes the choice for all who buy into that error. Is it any wonder that Paul told Timothy “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” (I Timothy 6:6)
When trouble comes in the life of the pain processor, they remove it. They let God help them to take the pain away by using the master skills in the first and second step of human behavior. They don’t set back and expect God to do everything for them. Do the troubling events hurt? Of course they do, but pain processors do not let pain build. They get rid of it by using God’s skills to take healthy control of how they see events. Just as Naaman went from distorted, unhealthy thinking to seeing his situation as it really was.
A life of “Every State Contentment” is not without trouble or pain; both are sure to come. A life of no trouble, no pain is even more than a Disney World dreamer could expect. Trouble will come to everyone and pain will come with it. But often as not, while the troubles are here to stay, the pain doesn’t have to. The pain can be taken away by properly processing it with the skills that Jesus taught through His words and actions. The much desired rest that Jesus promises follows the challenge to “learn from Him.” Learn first, rest second. Fail to learn, and the best that can be hoped for is occasional contentment that leads to escape behaviors and serious addictions.
Those of the first century, who did not come to know the “way of peace,” lived and died tragically. It was theirs for the taking. They had the opportunity to learn “Every State Contentment,” but for whatever reason chose not to. “What shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world and looses his own soul?”
The “way of peace” is there for the taking now just as it was then. It required change then just as it requires change now. Change is something many reject. The average child today is raised under the umbrella of unintentional emotional damage. In time, settling for occasional contentment becomes a mindset, especially when being completely surrounded by those of the same perception. Unacceptable conditions not only become acceptable, they become the norm and are solidified with words like “reality” and “welcome to the real world.” Those who call and cry for change are rejected and buried under the objections of
“ridiculous and impossible.” But those in the first century who “heard, learned and followed” the “way of peace” were glad they did. They are the heroes of the Word.
Now we are confronted with the opportunity to become our century’s heroes through change. It is easier to reject change than it is to learn the “way of peace” that provides the much need rest we all seek.
“Yearn to Learn” is a modern way of saying, “blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled.” (Mathew 5:6) Being filled with the knowledge of “Every State Contentment” brings many blessings. Getting rid of the emotional pain alone is well worth all the effort it takes, but no blessing can be compared to being free from emotional stress so attention and effort can be devoted to serving God. “Set your affections on things above, not on things on earth.” (Col. 3:2)
ANSWERS FOR EXERCISE FIVE
1. How a person sees self, what they tell themselves about it, the emotions they call up and the action that is taken as a result of the first three steps.
2. Accurate thinking, assertiveness and listening. They are all of equal importance.
3. They work every time they are used.
True of False: 1. (F), 2. (T), 3. (F).
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