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EXERCISE FIVE
Understanding Human Behavior
A Study in Contentment
by Ron Wilkins
Thinking errors result in flawed thinking every time they are used!Emotional pain can not be properly processed with flawed thinking! The master skills; accurate thinking, assertiveness and listening allow for emotional pain to be properly processed every time! It comes down to a choice for those who take the time, through awareness, to get their “want to” fixed. Either learn how to properly process emotional pain in all five areas of human endeavor or suffer the consequences of being a pain carrier. All emotional pain that is not properly processed will not only rob the person of their quality of life, it will also put their life and the lives of others in danger.
Emotional pain is properly processed by consistently using the master skills in the first and second steps of human behavior. Any spiritual effort cannot be over emphasized in processing emotional pain, but even without it there is power in using the master skills. Naaman, in II Kings five, was not close to God, yet he was successful at restructuring his flawed and distorted thinking by using the master skills. He shifted from hearing only what he wanted to hear (selective listening) to listening to the entire event. He shut down the flow of thinking errors and replaced them with accurate thoughts that resulted in assertive action. The master skills are Just like soap….they work every time they are used, no matter who uses them.
Soap on the shelf won’t take the dirt off. Understanding the concept but not using it will not take the pain away. The master skills are tools; hanging them in the tool shed renders them useless. Learning about tools is one thing. Learning to use them is another. Learning to use the master skills in the four steps to human behavior requires intentional effort. It’s roll up the sleeves and work time.
How individuals see themselves in daily events has everything to do with what they tell themselves about the event. Naaman saw himself as a “big shot” that deserved special attention filled with pomp. When there was no big show he told himself negative things about it, calling up his anger which resulted in him turning away. This is an excellent example of the four steps to human behavior. Step one...how did he see himself? Step two...what did he tell himself about how he saw himself in step one? Step three...what emotions did he call up? Step four...what actions did he take? These are the very same steps that result from all painful events. Learning to use the master skills in the first step processes emotional pain...every time.
It worked for Naaman over two thousand years ago and it will work today. Learning to take control in the first step of human behavior by consistently using the master skills of listening, accurate thinking and assertiveness will process emotional pain of the past, present and future. It’s a fact centuries old, validated by the Bible, that man can successfully alter the first step in human behavior by using the master skills. How we see ourselves in step one has everything to do with the other three steps. Everyone does it in one or two areas of human endeavor but few learn to do it consistently in all five areas so they can enjoy “Every State Contentment.”
It is safe to say that Naaman had serious damage in the area of human endeavor known as power and he incurred a painful event in that area at the door of Elisha. The events at Elisha’s door would not have been a problem for anyone that was strong in the power area, but it would be for someone who had damage in the area of power and control. Naaman set himself up to be hurt emotionally by seeing himself as an important man who deserved special treatment. He was high in importance in his own eyes, and the eyes of many, but God saw him as a man who had a disease that needed to be healed.
Naaman shifted from flawed thinking to accurate thinking thanks to a servant that used the master skills to process the painful event for his master. This shows that even those who lack the master skills can benefit from those who use them. The skills successfully process emotional pain every time, no matter who uses them. Encouragement often involves those who have the master skills helping to process painful events for those who don’t. Encouraging one another is God’s way of helping those who have not been able to remove the blockers to “Every State Contentment.”
When a painful event occurs in an area where individuals are strong, they automatically process the event with the master skills. But if a painful event occurs in a damaged area, the skills will not be automatic. If the skills are used at all it will be by a concentrated effort. In the areas of damage, emotional pain can only be removed by an intentional, concentrated application of the master skills.
We need to become aware of the area where emotional pain is least likely to be processed and be ready to make an intentional effort to apply the skills in the first and second steps of our behavior.. Let the painful event be an alarm to call the intentional effort into action. A good rule to use is, “If it won’t go away, process it on paper.” Putting a pain event on paper slows the event down so the master skills can be used
If the pain won’t go away, take the time to write down on paper what happened. Be brief but cover the bases. Write down how you saw yourself relating to the event (first step in human behavior). Next write down what you told yourself about how you saw yourself (second step). Write down the emotions that were called up (third step). Write down the actions taken, even if you took no action (fourth step). Now put the paper away and get a good nights sleep.
When you are fresh, take the paper out, read it, and ask how you could have seen yourself in a more favorable light. Use the master skills to determine how you could have seen yourself in the first step. In the second step use the master skills to influence more positive thoughts about how you could have seen yourself. If you successfully use the master skills in step one and two there should be a noticeable difference in both the emotions called up and the action taken. This is an effective and powerful way to properly process emotional pain in areas of serous damage. Avoid the temptation to do it in your head. If it won't go away, write it down.
The learning process is the key to properly processing emotional pain in all five areas of human endeavor. Learning to take the time to listen to as many contributing factors as possible in any event is going to have a positive effect. Learning to restructure flawed thing with accurate thoughts and statements is going to improve any situation. Learning to speak without offending, both in the self-talk and aloud can only improve events. Learning to apply the skills of listening, accurate thinking, and assertiveness to the first and second step of the four steps to human behavior will get the job done, and will do it right...every time.
ASSIGNMENT
Take a painful event from each of the five areas of human endeavor and process each of them separately on a pain processing sheet according to the guidelines in this chapter. To assist in this assignment use the below list of painful events. If you wish, use your own example. The assignment is for one item from each of the five areas.
1. (Survival) 2. (Acceptance) 3. (Pleasure) 4. (Power) 5. (Freedom)
The loss of a job. Rejection by a Missing a trip. Not getting to Snowed in.
Having to move. family member. Lost money. do the driving. No phone
Loss of a friend. Not allowed on Having to work Not getting Car’s broke
An Illness. on a team. A ruined meal to choose. No money
QUESTIONS
1. What are the four steps in human behavior?
2. Name the three master skills...which one is most important?
3. How are the master skills like soap?
TRUE or FALSE
1. The master skills work sometimes, and sometimes they don’t.
2. It’s possible to lack the master skills and still be helped by someone who has them.
3. Naaman couldn’t use the master skills because he was not close to God.
ANSWERS FOR EXERCISE FOR LESSON FOUR
True or False: 1. (T), 2. (F)
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