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EXERCISE TWELVE
Accurate Thinking
A Study in Contentment
Everyone consistently uses the skill of accurate thinking in the areas of human endeavor where they are strong. But, few think accurately consistently in areas where they have been damaged by emotional pain. Unprocessed emotional pain equates to damage. The greater the damage, the greater the need to create an escape behavior that will take away the pain. The greater the damage the less likely it is for the thinking to be even occasionally accurate. This is especially true in the self-talk which is always free of critics.
To suggest to successful adults who attend church faithfully that they are probably victims of long established thinking errors often meets with strong resistance. These individuals all too often fail to realize what emotional pain is capable of doing, even to the best of us. In addition, our ego, along with the fear of discovery, often causes such people to hide and even deny the effect emotional pain has had in their lives.
It is not hard to get anyone to agree to the benefits of accurate thinking. The hard part is to convince the unsuspecting victim that they have gradually, over time, come to deeply depend on common thinking errors. Common because almost everyone has the tendency to use thinking errors in areas where their processing skill level has been surpassed by the level of pain. They do it even without even being aware of what they are doing. They think accurately in areas where they are strong and use thinking errors in areas damaged by emotional pain. It is only those who can remove the blocker of denial that are able to master the skill of accurate thinking.
Accurate thinking is developed through the learning process. The Lord’s words, “Learn of me” become increasingly forceful. Victims can slowly learn to avoid thinking errors by first learning to recognize the errors then, through practice, replacing them with accurate thoughts. Look at the following list of common thinking errors and consider what each can do to the thought process.
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Using names or labels for people, things or situations to justify disliking them.
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Jumping to false conclusions before taking time to gather all the facts and factors.
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Filtering out all positive aspects of a situation in order to spotlight the negative.
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Polarized thinking: no middle ground; success or failure, all is either good or bad.
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Over generalization: seeing events in terms of always or never.
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Mind reading: concluding what others think or do before being told or seeing proof.
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Maximizing: making more out of events, issues or words than they warrant.
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Minimizing: making less of events, issues or words than they merit.
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Blaming: finding someone or some reason to blame for events, issues or statements
- Personalization: the tendency to take events and statements personal.
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Poor me thinking: expecting the worst; seeing things in the light of gloom and doom.
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Controlling: attempting to control events as well as the actions and thoughts of others.
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Emotional reasoning: if I feel or believe it to be true, it must be true.
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Being right: insisting on being right no matter what.
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Heavens reward fallacy: bad things don’t happen to good people.
Mastering the skill of accurate thinking to the point that it can be used in the areas of greatest damage is not easy, but it’s not impossible either. It requires work in the form of practice, but not so much work that it can’t be done. It’s not the amount of work required that stops most students, but their failure to first remove obstacles to the learning process. The skill is mastered be becoming so familiar with thinking errors that they can be quickly replaced with accurate thoughts in all areas of human endeavor, whether they be strong or weak. The faster the error is spotted and replaced, the less the damage it will be capable of doing.
The more the skill of accurate thinking is perfected, the more it can be used in the first step in human behavior when faced with a pain event. When the pain carrier learns to apply the skill of accurate thinking to the first step in human behavior great changes begin taking place. The pain that would not go away before will be processed and removed. When the pain is gone there is no longer a need to escape. The attention can then be devoted to other things, like repairing damage created in the past.
Any form of escape behavior occupies tremendous amounts of thought time. Thinking about something other than the emotional pain event is a common means of escape. Eliminate the need to escape and all of a sudden there will be a lot of thought time available to be devoted to something constructive. A study in accurate thinking needs to include learning to do something constructive with the extra thought time. Take time to reflect on some of the better uses to which our thought time could be devoted.
Mastering the skill of accurate thinking contributes favorably to mastering the skills of listening and assertiveness. Accurate thoughts are a form of truth, and Jesus spoke of knowing the truth that would make us free. Those who learn to consistently use accurate thinking to process their emotional pain become free of their pain. They also become free of their escape behaviors, as well as the complications brought on by their behavior. They become free of the shame they feel for abusing a behavior. They can allow the Lord to take away their feelings of guilt. They can enjoy being completely free from living with the fear of exposure. “You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free” sounds not just good...but accurate.
Accurate thinking is a strong contributor to mastering the other master skills. The next lesson targets listening. This is another skill that everyone uses in areas of human endeavor where they are strong, but manage to suppress in areas where they carry emotional pain. Like the other master skills, learning to be a good listener requires the acquisition of skills that can only be mastered by practice, practice, and more practice.
ASSIGNMENT
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Write down on paper a recent anger event. Describe how you saw yourself and what you told yourself about how you saw it. Take care not to list any of the thinking errors listed.
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Look over the list of thinking errors and pick out five that you may have used recently.
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Watch a television program that you enjoy and try to spot at least three thinking errors.
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Practice with a friend spotting stated thinking errors and replace them with accurate statements. This can be done while taking a walk together.
QUESTIONS
1. What is meant by polarized thinking?
2. Is it possible to use thinking errors and not know it?
3. Why would someone use names and labels to describe people or events?
4. Why would someone be in denial about relying on thinking errors?
TRUE or FALSE
1. Very few people use thinking errors.
2. Learning to think accurately is not only difficult, it’s impossible.
3. If something is believed or felt to be true it is true.
4. Depression is usually anger turned inward.
ANSWERS FOR EXERCISE ELEVEN
1. It is accurate and it is harmless.
2. By properly processing the emotional pain of the event.
3. Aggressive, passive, passive aggressive and assertive.
4. Harmless
5. By carefully constructing thoughts that are both accurate and harmless.
True or False: 1. (F), 2. (T), 3. (F), 4. (F), 5. (T)
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