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TEN HELPFUL STEPS TO PROCESSING EMOTIONAL PAIN
1. Recognize the need to be trained to remove emotional pain. 98% of the people in our society carry pain in at least one area of human endeavor. Partial damage in only one area is enough to contribute to carrying emotional pain. Seeing the need to become trained in processing is difficult for those that process effectively in several areas of human endeavor.
2. If a person who carries pain can become convinced they can learn how to re- move emotional pain, they have accomplished one of two requirements that can make it possible to learn to do it. This requires becoming strongly motivated to learn. Some call it getting the want-to fixed. There is no substitute for high motivation. It may very well be the greatest contribution the student can make to the learning process.
3. High motivation to learn makes it possible to become willing to invest a reason- able amount of effort to learn and master the four step process that removes pain. A steady, comfortable pace in the learning process is far better than a crash and cram approach. The two requirements on the students part are to be motivated to learn and to be willing to invest the effort that is required.
4. There are many reasons not to learn how to remove emotional pain. They are called blockers. Blockers can be anything from not having enough time to being afraid of failing. It could be the fear of giving up a much loved and needed behavior. It could be the fear of exposure or the fear of not fitting in with a particular group. Blockers are common and they are not easy for the student to recognize and remove.
5. Students are seldom aware of what emotional pain can do. Developing an awareness of what emotional pain can do is a valuable part of the learning process. Pain carriers become discontented, board, and depressed. The stress build up they experience lead to escape behaviors that bring on a complicated life style. They become high risk for broken relationships, legal problems, and even suicide.
6. Becoming aware of how emotional pain works or does what it does is a matter of gaining knowledge of the ten step behavior cycle. Understanding that a pain event brings on negative thoughts that lead to depression and stress build up, resulting in the need to escape from it all. It includes the full cycle of acting out, shame and guilt along with attempts to live a life in control; which is a setup for failure unless a person is trained in how to take control.
(All six previous steps must occur before the final four steps will take away emotional pain.)
7. Learn to recognize emotional pain. Pain carriers often play games with pain events. Telling themselves that a pain event doesn’t matter, its no big deal, or that they can take it are examples of such game playing. Trained pain processors learn to recognize pain and that it needs to be properly processed.
8. Learn to create the favorable conditions to process emotional pain. Pain carriers instantly react to events that they do not like. Pain processors are trained to create just the right conditions to process pain. They know it needs to be a quiet place that is free of distractions. It needs to be when they are not too hungry, angry, lonely or tired. (H.A.L.T.) It needs to be a comfortable place and it may take a day or two to create conditions that are just right for processing emotional pain.
9. Acquire two attitudes: humility and a positive frame of mind. Emotional pain carriers tend to place high value on what they want. The greater the “me factor” the lower the ability to process painful events. Pain processors are taught to strive to become a humble person with a positive attitude. These attitudes make it possible to develop the skills to remove pain. No matter how well developed the skills are, without the two attitudes pain can not be removed.
10. Learn to use three skills: accurate thinking, assertiveness, and listening. Pain carriers tend to use and depend on thinking errors to address issues that they don’t like. They often fail to really listen to situations and they frequently are aggressive in their attempts to get needs met. Pain processors are trained to replace thinking errors with accurate, healthy thoughts and they express them in an assertive manner after taking great care to listen to the situation as it really is.
PAIN CARRIERS GET HURT AND LIVE DARK AND HEAVY LIVES DEEP IN NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, DEPRESSION AND STRESS.
PAIN PROCESSORS GET HURT, PROCESS THE EVENT AND LIVE LIVES OF CONTENTMENT, JOY AND PRODUCTIVITY.
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