|
The Master Skill of Accurate Thinking
In spite of all our training and our best efforts, emotionally painful events are going to come our way. There is no escaping the fact and no getting around it. We have already seen that there are ways to minimize these events and their effect, but we are still going to have to process them before we can totally put them behind us and move on with our lives. There are three skills which, once perfected, will enable us to deal effectively with any and all painful events that come our way.
The first of these skills is accurate thinking which is best defined as using our minds, not our emotions, to correctly understand, evaluate and react to events. Reactions based on emotions are the root cause of all thinking errors. Thinking errors such a jumping to conclusions, taking things personally and emotional reasoning will magnify the emotional pain of any negative event. Accurate thinking will place any event in proper perspective and is perfected by the ability to spot thinking errors and replacing them with accurately structured thoughts.
The first step in perfecting accurate thinking is to understand that we are in control of what we think. We have seen the four steps in human reaction and should be aware that our thinking control both the emotions we call us as well as the actions we take. When our actions are based on emotions the result will always be counter-productive. But when we use our intellect to control our emotions we will be able to control our actions as well. Scripture tells us to “Bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” (II Corinthians 10:5) This is not only the first step, it is the most important. When we are in control of our thinking, we are in control of our life.
The next step is to understand that we are in control of our outlook on life. It is a fact that our outlook on life is the result of events which have effected our thinking; many of these taking place at a young age. Our basic outlook is shaped by our past experiences. Nevertheless, we have the ability to take charge and change our outlook. This is not easy but neither is it impossible. Like a lot of other things it just takes a lot of work. Changing our outlook on life is perfected by always striving to concentrate on the positive rather than the negative. The positive always lifts us up while the negative always tears us down. This is why scripture tells us, “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.” (Proverbs 15:13)
We must also understand that we are in control of our attitude. Our attitude determines the person other people see. This is because is a reflection our thinking and our emotions. When our attitude is what it should be, other people will see an upbeat and positive person who is a joy to be around. It is possible to develop the ability to consistently maintain a positive attitude regardless of the events taking place around us. Because our attitude is a reflection of our inner self, once we have gained control of our thoughts and emotions our attitude will automatically follow suite. The benefits of controlling our attitude go far beyond our day to day interaction with others. Notice Jesus warning, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself as this little child is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:2-3)
We can chose the path we walk. It has been correctly stated that “Birth is merely an event, while the path we walk becomes our life.” Ronald Reagan's father was an alcoholic. Abraham Lincoln came from the poorest circumstances you could possibly imagine. Both became President of the United States. An excellent exercise I use with men in jail is to take two sheets of paper. Entitle one “The Man I Am” and the other “The Man I want to Be.” If we are absolutely honest with ourselves, these two papers will help us get from where we are to where we want to be. Every time we make a decision it is important to ask ourselves, “will this get me closer or farther away from what I want to be?” This is the admonition Joshua gave the nation of Israel as they prepared to enter the promised land. "...choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve …But as for me and my house we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 14:15)
We cannot control the actions or attitudes of others. It is always tempting to want to change other people to our way of thinking and acting. The fact is, however, it is impossible to make another think what they don’t want to think, feel what they don’t want to feel, hear what they don’t want to hear or see what they don’t want to see. All we can do is to conduct ourselves in a manner that in time may bring them around to our way of thinking. There is no way to change others until they decide to change themselves. Regarding those who will not admit being wrong Solomon says, “Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” (Proverbs 26:12)
Accurate thinking is a powerful tool which, along with assertiveness and listening, will enable us to process and remove emotional pain every time. It takes time to perfect but once perfected we are able to control our thoughts, emotions and actions no matter what situation we find ourselves in. We perfect accurate thinking by emulating the psalmist who said,
“Oh, how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day. You, through Your commandments, make me wiser than my enemies; for they are ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers, for Your testimonies are my meditation. I understand more than the ancients, because I keep Your precepts. I have restrained my feet from every evil way, that I may keep Your word. I have not departed from Your judgments for You Yourself have taught me.” (Psalm 119:97-102)
|