The Pain Event

What is a pain event? Any statement, action, or situation that can be perceived as being negative, hurtful, or tends to raise the levels of anger is a pain event that needs to be properly processed.

The event can range all the way from being so mild that it is hardly noticed to something that is severe or traumatic and overwhelming to the point of becoming an emotional overload.

Unless mild forms of pain events are properly processed in a reasonable period of time they can lead, without notice, to a slow build up of emotional stress that leads to the need for an escape behavior. Unless traumatic, overwhelming pain events can be processed the escape behavior will slowly lead to addiction over time. Failure to process pain can leave the pain carrier and emotional cripple.

The very first step in processing emotional pain is to recognize pain events when they occur. It seems strange to think that someone would not immediately recognize they were being hurt. But not only is this true, it is common. In the medical world serious injuries can occur without notice, including being shot. The failure to recognize pain is a major contributor to addiction.

A frog can be boiled alive without any resistance if it is placed in cold water and the heat buildup is gradual. Not only is it possible to be hurt without noticing, it is very common.

The idea that time heals all wounds is wishful thinking at best. High value, traumatic events and issues will not simply go away in time. It’s a lot like burying toxic waste: sooner or later it will seep out. It seeps out in the form of a build up of unprocessed emotional pain that leads to addiction.

Emotional pain that is not processed follows a predictable path that leads to emotional destruction through the need for escape behaviors. Contentment, self-esteem, trust, and even love, gradually erode away in the process. Pain carriers are robbed a little at a time without noticing, but they are still robbed.

Ron Wilkins

Removing Emotional Pain