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Shame, Guilt and Fear
Any behavior that is used for the wrong reason, such as a method of getting away from emotional pain that is beyond the ability to properly process will result in growing amounts of shame, guild and fear. Abusers of behaviors such as food, talking or alcohol become ashamed of the ways they misuse the behaviors. They see others using the behaviors without negative consequences but become ashamed of their inability to do what they see others doing.
They feel guilty for the way they abuse the behavior they see others engaging in without negative consequences. Growing guilt creates the need to justify the behavior. “My reason for abusing this behavior is due to my addictive personality.” Placing blame on past generations, harsh living conditions or victimization are all attempts to justify the escape behavior of choice. Shame and guilt erode self-esteem and create greater and greater needs for the escape behavior.
The fear of being discovered for abusing behaviors does not go away. What if a valued or respected person were to discover how the behavior is abused? What would they think? What might they do? Fear paralyzes the reasoning process. How does a person get rid of shame, guilt and fear? To a pain carrier it seems impossible, but it’s not. The more a person learns to remove emotional pain by processing the event with four powerful steps the less shame, guilt and fear they will have. Learning to stop pain events in the very first step of the behavior cycle turns shame into respect, guilt into pride, and fear into courage. It takes time to become trained to remove emotional pain, but it is worth it. Draw near to God and He will draw near to us. When we work to remove pain He will reward us by removing shame.
'My personal shame and guilt became overwhelming to the point of planning suicide. My fear focused on offending God and hurting others, especially those I loved the most. Shame guilt and fear can be converted into motivation to learn how to process emotional pain, but it is never strong enough of itself to stop self-destructive behaviors. How many times had I wanted to stop and vowed to stop in the height of shame and guilt? No matter how sincere and intense my efforts to stop were, I could not stop. The only way to stop any overpowering behavior is to learn how to remove the reason for it and learn to restructure the habits that protect it. Not only is life possible without the escape behavior, it will be greatly improved.”
Ron Wilkins
Removing Emotional Pain
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