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Four Steps to Human Behavior
Control over personal behavior is potentially in the grasp of all humans that are physically healthy. The idea that he or she made me angry is simply not true. It may be comfortable. It may even be widely believed to be true, but it’s not. The only one who has the power to make us anger is ourselves. We make ourselves angry by our flawed approach to human behavior. We often give others power over us by the way we misuse the four steps to human behavior. The four steps are: perception, thought, feeling and action. All actions good, bad, sad or indifferent are followed by consequences, either immediate or delayed.
The first step of perception is how we see or view ourselves when an event occurs. If the event is seen in a positive light our thoughts will be mild, easy to deal with and pleasant. If it is seen or viewed in the negative, our thoughts will be negative and the emotions that follow will be intense, difficult to experience and hard to control. How we see ourselves has everything to do with the second step of behavior; clearly setting forth the need for awareness and training.
The second step is what we tell ourselves in our self-talk about how we are seeing ourselves in step one. Again, if we believe the event to be positive we will fill our thoughts with positive words and pictures and will not experience any emotions that are dark, heavy and hard to control. But if the event is viewed in the negative, if we see abuse, rejection, victimization, injustice or not being properly understood, we will feed on continuing negative thoughts and imagery that will call up harsh, dark and hard to control emotions.
Emotions are the third step in human behavior. We are capable of a wide spectrum of emotions ranging from mild to intense. Some emotions are pleasant and uplifting, and some are negative, harsh and depressing. Our opportunity to call up pleasant or mild emotions occurs in the very first step; how we see ourselves in the events that involve statements, actions of others and conditions. Attempting to take control of a situation in the emotional stage is a desperate last ditch effort that is likely to fail.
Action is the fourth and final step in human behavior and it comes from our emotions. If we are pleased with how we see ourselves in step one, our self talk will be uplifting and pleasant. Our emotions will be easy to control, our actions will be helpful or at the very least harmless. If we are displeased and begin to think and speak negatively, we will call up emotions that are intense and difficult to control, followed by actions that can be expected to be harmful or threatening. The action we take is the result of the emotions we call into our minds. It is not hard to see the value in learning to take charge in the very first step.
Consequences, either delayed or immediate follow actions. Attempting to control the consequences is a lot like counting flakes in a twelve inch snow. It can’t be done. Prisons are filled with people who attempt to control the consequences of their actions. Attempting to run from consequences is like running from our shadow.
Ron Wilkins
Removing Emotional Pain
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