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A Setup for Failure
Expecting something to turn out one way when there is a good chance that it will turn out another way is a setup for failure. Emotional pain carriers are good at setting themselves up for failure.
A setup for failure can be something as simple as expecting a new hair style to be noticed and praised, or it could be deeply complicated like building good deeds in the hope of being accepted. It is not hard to avoid set-ups for failure. Often just telling self that the new hair style may be noticed and appreciated is enough to avoid the setup for failure. There is a big difference in the words will and may in the self-talk. Only one word makes the difference. Telling self that good deeds may be appreciated is one thing; telling self that good deeds will bring about acceptance is another.
Setups for failure are not hard to avoid. Often only changing one word is enough to do it, but apparently this is very difficult for pain carriers to see. If a setup for failurecannot be seen it cannot possibly be avoided. Setups for failure breed anger, resentment, blame, fault finding and revenge. Avoiding setups for failure results in mild, easy to control emotions. Pain carriers are not aware of how they set themselves up for intense emotions that are hard or impossible to control. Taking the time to be well trained in avoiding setups for failure is well worth the effort.
"I was clueless in how I would set myself up for failure. What a difference it makes in life to gain awareness in just this one area. It is so easy to make ourselves angry just by expecting things to happen the way we believe they should."
Ron Wilkins
Removing Emotional Pain
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